To discipline is to train your child. When Brayden was a matter of a few days old, my Mom told me that I needed to realize that each day my job was to prepare him to leave me some day. I needed to teach him how to become self-sufficient. I needed to teach him the life skills necessary to become independent of me. Some might find that a sad notion, but that is our job as parents. Our children will have influences of teachers and friends, but for the most part, the world will not take a vested interest in training our children, though the world will apply all consequences even if our children are not prepared to face them.
DEFINITION OF DISCIPLINE
You might be thinking your baby can't possibly do anything wrong. It is important to take note of what discipline means. Discipline is training. "Discipline...is a process of training and learning that fosters self-control and moral development" (On Becoming Babywise II, page 83). You are realigning your baby to make sure she stays on the right path. We read in Babywise II that discipline and the need for correction doesn't necessarily mean the baby did something wrong (page 84).
AREAS OF TRAINING
There are three areas you train child in:
- Life Skills
- Heart Issues
- Health and Safety
Consistency is very important when it comes to discipline. "Immediate and consistent consequences speed up the learning process" (On Becoming Babywise II, page 64). The more consistent you are, the faster your baby will learn and the less over-all correction you will need to apply. It is difficult for your baby to know your expectations if you are inconsistent.
Before your baby reaches the age for the need of discipline, it would be wise for you to think through possible actions your baby could do that would not be okay with you. Then think through what your reaction will be. Yes, it is hard to look to the future and see what your child will do. Start practicing now; it is a skill that will come in useful to you throughout the life of your child. You will definitely miss some, even if this isn't your first child. But you can get an idea in your head.
Be sure that in your quest for consistency, you don't overlook the need to modify your approach. You can be consistent in your rules while still modifying your course of action with correction.
OBEDIENCE IS HARDER FOR PARENTS
Have you heard the phrase that people live up to the expectations placed on them? "True obedience is often more difficult for the parent than for the child, for children always respond to parental resolve and expectations..." (On Becoming Babywise II, page 88).
Think about your own reservations. Do you really expect your baby to obey you? If not, why would your baby do so? Don't underestimate the ability of your child to read you, now and in the future. Every so often, I find myself giving an instruction to one of my children and realizing that I didn't really expect compliance with it. The child does not respond. I will do a quick pep talk in my head and gather my resolve and repeat. It is amazing the difference simply changing my expectations makes.
Another problem if you have improper expectations is that you likely will not apply correction if you didn't mean it in the first place. Are you really going to correct your child for not doing something you didn't expect to happen in the first place? If you don't expect it, you are better off not instructing it.
You must provide boundaries. If your child has too much freedom, she will get into trouble. You want to give freedom in manageable limits. To set boundaries is to limit activities and freedoms, but not to abolish them all together. For more on boundaries, see the blog label boundaries .
AVOID POWER STRUGGLES & ALLOW DIGNITY
You want to avoid power struggles with your child. Parenting is not about being the "top wolf." If you have a dog, you probably know that if you want to be "top dog," you need to look away last. This isn't your goal with your child.
A power-struggle will happen if you and your baby go head to head and you basically stand over him and stare him down until he relents. A better option is to allow him to surrender with dignity. See Discipline Strategy: Surrender with Dignity.
- Baby Highchair Manners: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/baby-highchair-manners.html
- Boundaries (Toddlerwise)
- Boundaries: Part II (Toddlerwise)
- BW II: Freedoms: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/babywise-ii-freedoms.html
- Childishness vs. Foolishness
- Discipline Methods: 10 Months and up
- Discipline: Progress is a Spiral
- Proactive and Directive Parenting
- Teaching Your Baby "No": http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/teaching-your-baby-no.html
- discipline (blog label)
- obedience (blog label)
- Babywise II (blog label)