Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Baby Braxston

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Today marks 5 years since we lost our little Braxston (for more about this, see Miscarriage and Stillbirth). I still think about him throughout each and every day. It still brings tears to my eyes to think about the little boy we lost.

I remember that day. It was actually the middle of the night when he was "born." My husband and I were able to hold him. He looked absolutely perfect. He looked like a small baby. This amazing group called Share Parents came and took pictures of him and pictures of us holding him. When we looked at the pictures later, we were both surprised to see that he didn't actually look as perfect as we thought he did in the moment. We knew the Lord had blessed us to be able to see our son in a perfect light.

What a blessing to be a mom to such a valiant spirit. I am overwhelmed at the trust of the Lord in me to do that, and I hope I can be worthy of that trust. I love my Braxston just as I love my other three children. I pray for him as I do for them. 

Today, I will cry a little (let's be honest; I am crying right now). I will look through his scrapbook I made for him with my family. I will look through his memory box Share Parents made for us. We will go buy some flowers and take them to the cemetery. We will buy some pizza and go to a park by the cemetery and have some fun in memory of Braxston. 

Until we meet again Braxston. We love you.

***Last fall, my dear friend, Kelli, lost a baby girl. She is a fabulous writer and wrote the perfect poem for this situation. With her permission, I link you to it: Still.***

15 comments:

Rebecca said...

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure Braxston was incredibly beautiful. I too had a stillbirth. We lost our son Jackson when I was 38 weeks pregnant due to a blood clot in October 2009. He was beautiful and perfect and losing him was the biggest shock of my life. I always like to think about all of our little babies playing together in Heaven.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl this past November and feel so blessed she came out alive! I've been trying "Babywise" with her and have found your blog very helpful. Thanks for all you do and I wish your family a blessed day celebrating Braxston's life.

Edra Davidson said...

I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I adore you already! Thank you for your posts on miscarriage and stillborns. I recently miscarried a child after 12 weeks and felt some of the same emotions as you. Thank you for talking about these things. Being able to talk these emotions out is so pivotal to the grieving process. And as morbid as it sounds, it's reassuring to know others that have gone or are going through the same process. You are an amazing woman and thank you for your blog!
-Sedra

Lisa said...

Such timing Val. I just got home from the hospital and just found out we lost our 3rd precious baby. As soon as you see that heartbeat, that baby becomes a part of your family and life. Thank you for this post and I can only imagine how much you miss your little boy. Praying for you today.

Leigh Anne said...

{{{HUGS}}} to you today. I've never lost a child, but your posts on stillbirth and miscarriage have been very enlightening and are very well written. I've even referred friends who have lost a baby your way to read those posts. Many blessings to you today :)

Mollie Energy said...

Val - Thanks so much for your posting today. It made me cry. I felt the same way about Hayley. She looked perfect to us when we held her. It still hurts so much, so I understand everything you feel. God bless you on your day. I'm remembering your little boy with you today. Mollie

Laura said...

I am so sorry for your loss!!!! I've been reading for a couple of years, but don't think I knew this. I'm so glad you have good memories in those short moments you had with him! I pray God will show you His goodness through this! My heart breaks for you too! I will be praying for you and your family.

Sarah said...

I am sorry for your loss. I just said a prayer for Braxston and all of the other babies that we never got to know.

Nikki said...

I'm very sorry to read about your loss, but what a beautifully written post regardless. A close friend recently miscarried at 15 weeks and suffered through a horrific experience delivering. I know that I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through, but your original post about your loss helps me in some way. Thank you and we'll be thinking of Braxston tonight.

becca said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. My step-sister found out at 38 weeks pregnant that her sweet baby girl had a chromosomal defect and she delivered her just a few weeks ago. She only lived a few hours but I know she and her husband felt so blessed to be able to hold her and love on her. Thank you for sharing this and the poem your friend wrote...I will share this with my step sister.

Sarah Westfall said...

I'm sorry your family had to experience this loss. We had to say goodbye to our Carter just three months ago. I am so glad you were able to have special moments with your son and that you have a hope in seeing him once again. Praying for God's presence to be quite evident to your family today. Not much I can say other than I hope it helps to know that my heart hurts for you. Many blessings...

Ashlee said...

My heart just breaks for you. I can't even imagine how you get through that. I'm so happy that you are able to remember Braxton and keep him so close to you. You truely are a special momma and a valiant spirit as well. Hugs to you.

Fanny Foon said...

My heart is breaking. So sorry.... But thank you so much sharing this with us. You are such a brave woman! Although we don't know each other, your blog gives me lots of support and encouraging me to move on as a mother of two young babies (2 yr old and 3 months). Love you, Val. Warm hugs.....

Plowmanators said...

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words! I love you all!

Angela said...

I'm a day late in leaving this comment, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you yesterday. Anniversaries are always hard days.

I too lost a little one. My husband and I went in for our gender ultrasound, which happened to fall on my birthday, only to find out that there was no longer a heartbeat. I delivered my little guy and was sent home from the hospital on Mother's Day. Not exactly the "First Mother's Day" I had hoped for.

Reading your story gave me both chills and tears at how similar our stories are. I've never known anyone to lose a little one as far along as I did and reading how you found out the same way I did made me feel for you.. I know EXACTLY how you feel.

I'm so happy to hear of your current pregnancy and wish you nothing but the best!! I feel so blessed that I was able to give birth to a healthy baby too. My little Mason just turned 6 months this week.

Thank you for sharing so much with all of us on your blog.. you are amazing.

Plowmanators said...

Oh Angela that is so sweet of you! Thank you. I am sorry for your loss. What hard timing with your birthday and mother's day right then. We had a nice day--as nice as it can be :) It is hard to believe it has been six years already!

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