Friday, July 19, 2013

Success Through Difficulty

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"I was initially given Babywise by a friend from church. I was going to have to go back to work after 3 months and she was going to be my babysitter, and would support the babywise routine if I decided to do it. She told me her success with it and after reading the book, the concept made since.

After my baby was born, I had pregnancy-induced heart failure.  Needless to say we started BW late, about 4 weeks old, once everything settled back down and I recovered. She took to it right away. It really couldn’t have been easier for us. She was an Angel Baby through and through.  She slept through the night at 8 weeks, up to 12 hours before I had to go back to work. Everyone told me I was lucky- just like the book said. I recommended it to every one. I thought she was the only one I would get and I loved that I proved to myself that I could totally rock it as a mom. Plus, I was able to quit after a few months and be with her all the time. Life was good.

Almost 4 years later we had our second child. It was a surprise- the Lord really wanted me to have him as I was on birth control and had been advised not to have another one by all heart doctors I had seen.  My heart failed again- not as bad as the first time, but still ended up in the ER a few days after my c-section.  Returning home, we found out we had to move earlier than expected and the new house wasn’t ready. So with a newborn, and an almost 4 year old, we spent the first two months of my son’s life living at my husband’s grandmother’s house. I slept on the couch with the cradle next to me, as there weren’t enough bedrooms for all of us. Add in post partum depression- it was a lot to deal with and one of the harder trails of my life.

I tried BW from day one- just knowing (and foolishly expecting) everything to be just has easy as it was the first time around. It wasn’t. Oh Boy- was it not as easy the second time around! But I kept at it. I prayed, I cried, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I help him like I did his sister? My best friend didn’t believe in BW or having routines, my mom was 2 states away, my husband- who had praised me and bragged to everyone that I was so good with babies and supported BW and other Wise books, began to doubt that I could get BW to work with our son. I felt like I had no support and felt very alone at times. I found Val's website and I read it everyday. It really helped just to feel like I had a support group even if I didn't actually know anyone there. My oldest became my cheerleader, encouraging her brother to quote “eat, play sleep, like I did. Now I’m a genius. So just listen to mom” A Great helper!

He was so different than his sister. He had a hard time eating- we had to change formula (I wasn’t able to BF due to the heart failure), we changed bottles, nipples, he cried, he spit up, he cried and cried. I thought he would never be happy- but finally it all began to click. We moved into the new house and he settled down. I kept doing BW and praying that his awesome spirit and personality would flourish and he would adjust to the routine. He is 10 months old now and the happiest little baby. He’s not clockwork like his sister was, but we have found our groove and I am more proud of this go round than the first. I did it- even when life was crazy hard- when I was sick and broken down - I was still able to do the best for my child.

I love BW; it makes since to me, I know how much it can help the baby to have that routine and to know what to expect through out the day. I’ve watched both of my children grow and really shine.

I learned a lot the last time around- I learned that I could trouble shoot- I never really had to with the first and if I did- I didn’t remember anything I did let alone if it worked! I learned that it’s ok if it doesn’t happen like the book says or like it did with their sibling. I learned that it wasn’t me, it wasn’t the baby, it wasn’t BW not working- it was just a trial in life that I went through the same time I had a baby. I learned that no matter what life throws your way that you can still try to make your home life what you want it to be.

I hope that if there is anyone struggling that you keep trying. Keep adjusting! And working with your baby so that you can find what works. I also hope each and every one of you gets to experience and Angle Baby somewhere in the mix- it’s good for your heart- trust me!"

-       L. Jones

Arizona  Mom of 2:
o       4 ½ year old girl
o       10 month old boy

5 comments:

Sandee Doss said...

Such a touching, beautiful story of faith and steadfastness, L. Jones and Valerie! I hadn't thought of your blog as a sort of support group, but it has become one for me too! :)

EstherOh said...

Thank you for sharing! Sometimes it's easier to blame it on something- whether it's the baby, myself or the situation. But I like how you said, maybe it's just a trial that I need to learn/grow from. I guess sometimes I just so busy trying to get through it that I don't bother to learn from it. I have 2 kids that are also very different. I'm praying that through their differences, I will be able to see more of God's different characteristics through them... and of course to reveal to me more of His goodness as well.

dgale said...

You have given me hope. My daughter did so well on BW everyone couldn't believe how good she was. That was 8 yrs ago. I now have a 3 week old and he is so different. I feel like..what am I doing wrong? I don't have a ton of time to reread the book so I am going off memory. I don't want to fail this time around. Your post has encouraged me to stick with it. I just wish my husband didn't rely on the swing so much when it comes to sleep. Thank you for your story.

missmamaj said...

How can you fail if you love your child and provide for them in a nuturing and caring way. Im sorry but the more comments I read about women who try this with difficult times and questioning themselves as adequate mothers the more I believe this system is failed and flawed in mothers listening to their natural maternal institution. We all want the best for our children and to provide thw very best foundation in the early years of life. But at what cost? To feel defeated if your child doesn't fall in to a determined schedule? Mothers be kind to yourself, listen to your heart and follow your child's lead a bit. They are very natural in knowing what is best for them. Trust me you will not be raising an unruly teen b y nursing on demand if that is what they need, or responding to their cries in the middle of the night, giving then cuddles whenever they want. Dont deny this beautiful time from yourself or your baby at the sake of having sucess with a "program"

missmamaj said...

How can you fail if you love your child and provide for them in a nuturing and caring way. Im sorry but the more comments I read about women who try this with difficult times and questioning themselves as adequate mothers the more I believe this system is failed and flawed in mothers listening to their natural maternal institution. We all want the best for our children and to provide thw very best foundation in the early years of life. But at what cost? To feel defeated if your child doesn't fall in to a determined schedule? Mothers be kind to yourself, listen to your heart and follow your child's lead a bit. They are very natural in knowing what is best for them. Trust me you will not be raising an unruly teen b y nursing on demand if that is what they need, or responding to their cries in the middle of the night, giving then cuddles whenever they want. Dont deny this beautiful time from yourself or your baby at the sake of having sucess with a "program"

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