Friday, November 19, 2010

Teaching Gratitude

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Most parents out there want their children to be able to display gratitude. We don't want spoiled children who are ungrateful for what they are given. We remind our children to says thank you for even the simple compliments given by strangers.

I know there are many who would argue parents aren't doing a good enough job at this, if they are doing a job of it at all. I think this is true in many cases, unfortunately. Entitlement is definitely a huge problem. 

So if we, as parents, are doing the obligatory "say thank you" constantly, why are we still producing entitled children? There are several paths I could take from that thought. Today, I want to take the gratitude path. We need to teach gratitude.

Starting with teaching "thank you" is a nice first step. Sometimes Actions precede Beliefs. 

But that definitely is not enough.

This is a hard concept to teach children because it is abstract. One of my learning themes is "gratitude" with "thankful" as our vocabulary word. I always do pictures to illustrate our theme and our vocabulary word. Well, you can't just pull an image off the internet that shows your child what "gratitude" or "thankful" mean. 

One of the most powerful ways to teach these abstract ideas is through your example. It always comes back to that. You are the leader on this. You need to express your gratitude for things. You also need to set the precedent that everything in life is not a given. And even the things in life that are "givens" still deserve to be appreciated. 

When the bagger puts my groceries in a bag at the grocery store, I could walk away without thanking him or her. It is their job right? They are getting paid for it; they don't need a thank you on top of it. Just because something is someones job and getting your groceries bagged is a service we can count on doesn't mean the person doing it doesn't deserve a thank you.

You know who else deserves thank yous? Parents. Moms and Dads. Moms and Dads do things that are their job. It is your job to provide food and shelter. It is your job to clean clothes. It is your job to get up with a sick child. These are all things you signed up for when you decided to be a parent.

But isn't a thank you nice anyway? Even though it is your job, your responsibility, and your obligation, don't you love a thank you?

So we need to teach our children gratitude for things, even the gimmies, because it is a nice thing to do.

And for those who are religious, think back to the story of the 10 Lepers. Ten were healed and only one thanked the Savior. All 10 were healed, but only the one who showed gratitude was made whole. Ingratitude is one of the most serious of sins, which makes gratitude one of the best virtues. So you want to teach your children gratitude not only because it is nice, but because ingratitude is a sin, and gratitude is a virtue.

Show your children your gratitude for your parents, for your teachers, for your children's teachers, and for your friends. Show your children your gratitude for your country and for those who have made your country what it is. Also, show your children your gratitude for the Savior, Jesus Christ. 

There are lots of ways to show gratitude. We can show through words. Through notes. Through actions. Through gifts. Be an example of this and let your children see your expressions of gratitude. Express your gratitude in your prayers. Teach your children scripture stories that tell they both why they should be grateful and how others expressed and showed gratitude. Serving others shows the gratitude we have for our own blessings. 

Keep in mind that teaching gratitude is not a simple, single lesson. Again, it is taught through example, which means it needs to be part of your lifestyle. It needs to be who you are, and it will then become who your children are. 

For more on gratitude and activity ideas, see:
Ideas for this post inspired by this talk from Thomas S. Monson

6 comments:

A Wee Irish Family said...

I tend to be a very thankful person, and I hope to instill that in my daughter. I really think it comes down to noticing the small ways you can make a difference and noticing the small ways others have made a difference for you. My mom and I always played a "Look for someone doing something nice and thank them" game when we were out. We also settle arguments with thank yous, and take the time to talk to each other about the things we're thankful for in our lives.

Your blog has been one of the biggest "little things" since the birth of my daughter, and I'd like to take the time to say THANK YOU again for this wonderful thing you do. It has helped guide my decision making and has helped me check my own motives before I expect anything from my daughter. It has also helped me see how much time, effort, thought, blood, sweat, and tears go into REALLY GOOD parenting.

Thank you for opening up your life and sharing your expertise with all of us moms & dads who are searching for the answer to, "NOW WHAT?!"

With gratitude,
Kim

Jennifer said...

Thanks for the post. I think gratitude is such an important lesson to teach as well. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic. One question for you....Can you point me to the place in scripture where it says that "ingratitude is the most serious of sins...?" Thank you.

Plowmanators said...

Thank you Kim! That was very nice!

Plowmanators said...

Jennifer,

There isn't a scripture that says that specifically. In short, I believe it is one of the most serious of sins because of where it leads people.

If you look in Dueteronomy 8 it is a good chapter on what ingratitude leads to, especially verses 14 and 19 (you perish).

Deuteronomy 32 is another good chapter.

Malachi 3 talks about robbing God by not paying tithing or offerings, which is ingratitude toward God for all we have.

Romans 1 shows what ingratitude can lead to in a very stark manner. Pay special attention to verse 21.

In 2 Timothy chapter 3 Paul describes the apostasy, and in verse two describes men as "unthankful" among other things.

That is just a few. In gratitude leads to so many very serious offenses, so that is why I think it is so serious.

Amy@My Front Porch said...

Hi Val! I just read this post and thought you might like to know about an interesting book I just read called, "Growing Grateful Kids" -- lots of good stuff in there. I know you like to read so I thought I'd recommend it in case you're ever looking for something new to read :)

Plowmanators said...

Thank you Amy! I always like to hear about new books.

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