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My favorite point in Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman is also the first great point of the book. Leman says that in parenting, we often desire and even expect instant gratification–we want the issues fixed immediately. He points out that parenthood is not a short-term investment, it is a long-term loan (page 14).
This point rang very true to me. I personally believe our modern society is far too accustomed to instant gratification in life. We have microwaves that can produce dinner in minutes. Often that requires too much effort, so we turn to fast food restaurants. Even many sit-down restaurants have dinner out to you in minutes. We have the Internet and 24 hour news channels. It doesn’t take much effort to find information. We have cell phones so we can get ahold of people anytime, anywhere. It is common custom for people to call someone at their home, and if they get the answering machine, they immediately dial the cell phone. If that isn’t answered, frustration follows. Up until recently, loans and credit cards were far too easy to attain. We want what we want when we want it. We do not want to have to save up for things.
When my husband graduated from college, we noticed a common trend with people our age. They wanted to have things as nice as their parents do at the moment. People our age generally grew up during very prosperous economic times. By the time we left home, our parents had nice homes, nice cars, and nice furniture. We wanted the same luxuries we had left! We didn’t want to start out with hand-me-down furniture and old clunker cars. My husband and I thought through what our parents had gone through to get where they were. They lived many years quite poor. They drove old cars. The lived in small apartments and homes. They saved their money up to buy nice things. They started earning larger salaries after working with the same company for over twenty years. They worked hard to have the nice things they had when we left home. We understood that we would have to do the same.
All of this is to point out that we live in a society that is accustomed to instant gratification, and we naturally want the same results when it comes to parenting. If our child is not behaving, we want to know what we need to do to fix it. It needs to be a simple fix requiring minimal effort on our part, and we had better see the results instantly! As I have thought this through, I have realized that this applies to all parenting concerns. If baby isn’t napping well, we want to know what to do and we want it fixed the first time we change things. Most parenting advice authors stress the need to give a certain fix several days before assuming it is not the answer.
My feeling is that in general, Babywise parents are more willing to put time and effort into their parenting. We have had to work hard to get to the toddler years, and we know that hard work is necessary and that it pays off.
We still can fall into the trap of desiring instant gratification, though. We want instant nap fixes and instant behavior problem fixes. When it comes to discipline, time and consistency are always key! The first day you start a new policy on behavior issues, don’t expect things to zip on up to where you want them to be. It will take time and consistency to have your child behaving as well as he can. You might start enforcing “Yes Mommy.” But he isn’t going to immediately respond with his “Yes, Mommy” every time. He isn’t going to be super pleased about it, either. After time and consistency, you will start to see the benefits from the work you have put in.
When you think about it, the best things in life are the things that require time and effort. The best food is food that is freshly made. A home-cooked meal tastes better and is more nutritious for you than a meal from McDonald’s (sorry McDonald’s, it is true). You will enjoy wearing a shirt that is paid for better than one that is costing you 10% in interest each month. You appreciate the couch you spend 6 months saving for more than the one you bought on a whim and on credit. Training your children follows the same principle. Time, consistency, and effort pays off rich rewards. In the years to come, you will be happier if you treat parenthood as an investment rather than a loan.
Related Posts/Blog Labels:
- discipline (blog label)
- leman (blog label)
- parenting (blog label)
- Book Review: Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours
- Making Children Mind…Random Thoughts
- Making Children Mind…Discipline Thoughts
- Making Children Mind…Encouragement vs. Reward
- Making Children Mind…Show Love
- Making Children Mind…The Super Parent
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