What To Do When Your Baby Screams and Cries at Church

Does your baby meltdown at church every week? You are not alone! Here is why overstimulation hits babies so hard in a crowded, noisy room, and what actually helps her calm back down.

Have you ever been walking the halls at church with your crying baby and wondered, “What is the point of me even being here?” You get dressed, you get yourself and your kids ready, you pack the diaper bag, you make it out the door in time (often a miracle in and of itself), and then just twenty minutes into the service your baby unravels.

I have been there, and I have heard from so many moms who have also been there! You are not alone. Even though all moms have been through it, it doesn’t change that it is discouraging in the moment, and you are looking for anything that might help.

One mom shared her struggles with her baby at church in my BabywiseMom Community. She shared that her baby will at times just scream and cry at church, “She won’t eat, she won’t take a paci, she just gets so upset. Eventually she’ll calm down if I take her outside in my carrier and walk with her, but I still can’t figure out why she gets so upset. It doesn’t seem like gas, as she’s not really a gassy baby.”

Why Church Can Overwhelm a Baby

This specific question does sound like overstimulation more than something like gassiness. Since removing the baby from the situation is what actually calms the baby down, it would indicate that the setting is what is upsetting.

Think about everything happening at church from a baby’s point of view. There is music, a room full of unfamiliar faces, strange lights, new smells, and perhaps getting held and touched more than usual.

While this can be a pleasant, familiar routine for you, to your baby, it is all new. It is a sensory overload, and sometimes your baby just can’t take any more.

>>>Read: How To Calm Your Overstimulated Baby

Once a baby has reached the point of overstimulation, she really doesn’t have the tools to self-regulate the way older children and adults can. A toddler can turn their head away or physically move somewhere else. A baby can’t do any of that. She can’t even communicate in any real way other than crying.

Signs You Are Looking at Overstimulation

A lot of fussiness in babies can look similar to each other. Overstimulation can look like tiredness or gassiness. An overstimulated baby often turns away from people and stimulation. A baby can also rub eyes and thrash about a bit. Your baby might even seem frantic to escape the situation. She will refuse things that typically soothe her. Her nervous system isn’t looking for comfort. It is looking for less. Less of what? Less of everything.

>>>Read: Understanding Newborn Cues: Overtired, Hungry, Gassy, & Overstimulated

The fact that this happens at church and isn’t happening throughout the week is another strong clue that this is an overstimulation issue. If it were a feeding or digestive issue, you would likely see it in other settings, also. The fact that it is tied to the predictable, stimulating environment tells you a lot.

Why Your Overstimulated Baby Won’t Eat or Take a Pacifier

When you have a crying baby at church, you just want her to calm down. So you are willing to feed even if it isn’t time for a feeding and you will try to use a pacifier even if your baby doesn’t usually use one.

Unfortunately, an overwhelmed baby isn’t in a state where she can settle in and suck effectively; she is in a heightened, almost fight-or-flight state. Trying ot nurse or take a bottle would require her to calm her body first. She can’t do that while the stimuli is still bombarding her. When you offer something to suck on in the middle of that, it is really just adding a layer of stimulation rather than calming her. She needs less input, not more.

This is why forcing the issue of trying again and again to eat or take a pacifier while sitting in the pew usually just backfires. She isn’t being fussy or trying to be difficult. She is just genuinely struggling ot calm down.

Why the Carrier Walk Outside Actually Works

The mom who asked this question has actually found solutions that help. Removing the baby from the overstimulating scenario helps. You are also giving her some rhythmic, predictable motion, which is naturally calming for most babies (but take note that some babies need to actually be still). You are also putting your baby in close, physical contact with you, which lowers her stress response.

The carrier walk takes the overstimulated nervous system and gives it the one thing your baby has really been asking for: less. Once the input drops, your baby can finally settle enough to calm down and get to a regulated state.

How to Prevent Meltdowns at Church

You unfortunately cannot avoid or remove all of the stimulation that happens at church, but there are some things you can do to make it all easier on your baby.

Wake Windows: watch wake windows closely Sunday morning. If your baby gets to church a little overly tired is going to have less capacity for the stimulation that comes. Read up on my tips for Going to Church Without Ruining Your Baby’s Sleep. Shift the morning nap, let baby sleep in, take a catnap before church…whatever works
Early Feedings: avoid going to church with a hungry baby unless your baby really eats well at church. Feed your baby early, before you leave home, if needed, to ensure you do not have a hungry baby on your hands.
Full Sleep: do your best to make sure your baby is fully rested the day or two before church. This can be a challenge because the weekend happens leading up to church. If you were out late Friday or Saturday night, your baby is more likely to get easily overstimulated at church on Sunday.
Position Wisely: consider your baby’s position on Sunday during the service. Perhaps facing her toward the crowd is too stimulating. It might be better to keep her in a carrier or carseat that is covered.
Exit Early: if you notice a pattern or signs of a meltdown, get up and remove your baby before the meltdown happens. This way you can help get your baby out of the stimulating environment before she gets too overstimulated.
Remember Grace: While it feels huge in the moment, this is just a moment. Your baby will not be as sensitive forever. Her capacity to handle noise, crowds, and disruptions will improve as time goes on. Just work within the limits of her little nervous system.

Conclusion

In the end, do your best to make sure your baby goes into Sunday as well-rested and on-routine as possible. This will set her up for her best chance at not being overstimulated on Sunday during church service.

But despite your best efforts, life happens and overstimulating days will also happen. You aren’t doing anything wrong and she isn’t trying to be difficult. Just get her to a calmer environment and repeat to yourself, “This too shall pass” as you walk the halls. Protecting her routine, feeding her ahead of time, and taking a break before a meltdown will all help avoid her reaching her breaking point.