Friday, June 18, 2010

Logical Consequences: Throwing Toys

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Let's continue on with how I would discipline for various situations.

Scenario #3: Throwing toys.

Throwing toys - my 15 month old angel is getting such a kick out of tossing them everywhere despite my redirection!


This is very simple for me and is the same no matter what the age.

The child throws a toy, the child doesn't get to play with that toy. Simple as that.

Now, let's talk some caveats here.

First, throwing purposefully and dropping accidentally are not the same thing. I don't discipline for accidents.

We also must address the fact that young children (baby and early pre-toddler) need to drop things over and over to learn cause and effect. It is part of growing up. I am not saying that throwing and dropping toys isn't appropriate ever. That doesn't mean you can't set boundaries. There will be times, places, and toys that are appropriate for throwing and dropping, and there will be times, places, and toys that aren't appropriate for throwing and dropping. You can have a rule that food isn't dropping purposefully off the high chair tray. But do provide some time in the day for your child to practice dropping things over and over.

For McKenna, that ended up being at church. She dropped her toys at church over and over again. This was fine because it wasn't disrupting anything. It worked out well because she got her obsessive time in. She also associated the game with church, so she didn't really do it at home.

Now, the child's age will impact the severity of not getting to play with that toy. Let's go over some ages.

Baby. 6-12ish Months Old
Most babies aren't going to be able to start dropping things on purpose until 6 or 7 months old. Some might around 5 months old. A baby is not going to be able to actually throw a toy until closer to 12 months, which is why I say drop.

If and when baby drops a toy, and if it is a situation I don't want toys to be dropped repeatedly, I would start by telling the child something to the effect of, "Don't drop your toy. If you drop your toy, you won't get to play with it." Another option would be, "Don't drop your toy. If you drop you toy, you will have to sit on floor to play with it."

Then, you follow through. Either don't pick the toy back up, or sit the child on the floor to play with the toy.

Remember, this is something to allow when it is appropriate. Only apply the consequence when it is not appropriate.

Pre-Toddler. 12-15 Months Old
This section might apply to children around 10 months old or so, also. See what you think is best for your child. By this age, your child understands what you mean by no. Most children will also be capable of actually throwing toys at this age. Most will also start mini-fits in this age range.

So let's say the child throws the toy in order to have fun. I would say, "That's a no. You don't throw your toys in the house. You can throw balls outside, but no throwing toys in the house. If you throw your toy again, you will lose it." Then if and when baby threw that toy, I would take it away. At this age range, I would only take it away for that wake cycle or possibly as long as that whole day.

If baby threw the toy out of complete anger, I would take the toy away immediately. I would say, "Whoa. That is not okay. We do not throw our toys like that. You may not play with this toy since you threw it."

Now, if you have a child obsessed with throwing, create times and places that it is okay to throw. Perhaps outside. If outside is not an option, perhaps one room in the house. Just keep in mind that the rules you set now will carry on to older ages. When Brayden was around this age, I allowed him to throw balls in the house because he couldn't throw them far. But of course, he grew. As he grew, so did his throwing ability. Suddenly, throwing balls in the house wasn't always a great idea.

I never allowed Kaitlyn to throw balls in the house because I had learned my lesson. To this day, Brayden still has the harder time remembering to not throw balls in the house than Kaitlyn.

Pre-Toddler. 15-18 Months Old.
I suppose much of the same would apply to this age group as the previous. During this age range, I would take the toy away for longer periods. I would do it for at least a day, maybe even up to a few days depending on the child.

Toddler. 18-24 Months Old.
Let's continue to build on this. As the child enters this age range, I would have higher expectations for remember rules and would not feel inclined to give warnings. If this were a repeated problem, I would stop warnings and just take the toy away the first time it was misused.

Toddler. 2-3 Years Old.
Once I was sure the child understood the rule for no throwing toys in the house, I would stop warnings during this age range. I would have a minimum of time for toy loss at 3 days, possibly up to a week. You don't want it to be too long because the child will likely forget about the toy.

If the child repeatedly threw a certain toy, I would warn that if he didn't stop, he would lose the toy until he was older and able to be responsible with the toy. I would then take it away for 2-4 weeks.

Preschooler and Older.
As the child gets older, you can expect higher rates of obedience. You also can expect ability for remembering rules. If toy throwing is a problem, you might completely take away the toy and donate it. I would give warning before doing this. "Now son, if you can't stop throwing this toy, then you are going to have to get rid of it. You will not be able to play with it any more. Do you understand?" Wait for response. "Do you want to lose this toy forever?" Wait for response. "Then what do you need to do?" Wait for response. "That is right. You need to not throw this toy."

Prevention.
Remember that prevention is key. To prevent toy throwing, be sure to keep toys interesting. Also be sure you allow time and opportunity for the child to practice dropping and throwing skills as age appropriate. You also need to be aware of over tiredness and hunger. Apply mercy in these situations.

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7 comments:

lwicks said...

Thanks so much for this post - it is perfect timing for me. My son just passed his first birthday, and I've recently started trying to get him to understand he can only throw balls, not his other toys. I let it go for a while because I didn't know if he would understand the difference, but this is good to know he should be able to at his age and I just need to keep working on it!

WorkingMom said...

Yay! This was my request! Thanks for writing this. I'm glad that what I have been doing has been on track with your recommendations. And it's interesting about the ball in the house. My daughter will play "fetch" with herself with my old soccer ball.Might have to start curbing that a bit. It's funny how I never thought that my child will be big one day - denial perhaps?

Plowmanators said...

You are both welcome!

WorkingMom, denial, or just something that doesn't cross your mind at the time. It takes a while before they are old enough to thrown hard enough to hurt something. :)

milliemoy said...

I am trying to teach my 15 month old son to not throw toys and not throw his food and sippy on the floor.

In addition to throwing his toys around, he has been throwing/dropping his toys down the stairs to the basement. I have decided to just leave the toys in the basement so that he can clearly see that he is no longer able to play with that toy once he throws it downstairs. Any thoughts on that plan of action?

I am thinking that I need to just go "cold turkey" on food throwing. I would like to just call an end to the meal once he throws any food or the sippy. I think that would get his attention, but for how long??? He doesn't really ask for food. It seems like he associates the "more" sign with him just asking for treats (i.e. puffs and other snacks). He might be happy that meal time is over (i.e. happy that he's no longer strapped into his high chair). What would be a good approach to curb the food and sippy cup throwing?

Thank you so much! I have learned so much from reading your blog. Bless you for helping lost moms like me!

Plowmanators said...

I think your basement toy throwing plan is perfect.

If he is throwing food in order to end mealtime, then I would work on teaching him how to sign "all done." You will need to be sure of his motivation for throwing. Is he throwing because he wants your attention? Because he wants more? Because he is done? Because he thinks it is fun?

Once you know the reason, you can choose the right course of action. If he is throwing instead of saying "done" then removing him from the highchair immediately will only reinforce what he is doing. If that is his reason, I would remove all food and sippy from the tray and say "are you all done?" and sign all done. Repeat "all done?" and sign all done. Sign his hands all done and say, "okay! Let's clean you up." or whatever you do when getting him out. Try that a couple of times.

Then add the element of "no, we don't throw our food. If you are all done, you say "all done." Are you all done?" add sign. Do that for a bit. If he still won't stop, you can try time out in the chair.

"too bad. You threw your food instead of saying all done. Looks like you need a time out." Be sure everything is removed. Turn on a timer for a minute or two. When it goes off, say, "okay! Are you all done?" again, signing all done.

Keep working at it. It takes time and repetition. Good luck :)

The Gorins said...

My 16 month throws everything!! We determined she would often throw food instead of showing the all done sign and she's much better about doing all done but she is still horrible about throwin her soppy cup from the high chair. She does it c sje thinks its funny. Sometimes we just tke it from her after she's thrown it and make her drink after her meal once she's just walking around...is that the best thing to do? Remove it if she throws it? What about some form of discipline during meal after we've pointed out te behavior and what she should have done instead! Help! Mealtimes are getting stressful! :)

The Gorins said...

My 16 month throws everything!! We determined she would often throw food instead of showing the all done sign and she's much better about doing all done but she is still horrible about throwin her soppy cup from the high chair. She does it c sje thinks its funny. Sometimes we just tke it from her after she's thrown it and make her drink after her meal once she's just walking around...is that the best thing to do? Remove it if she throws it? What about some form of discipline during meal after we've pointed out te behavior and what she should have done instead! Help! Mealtimes are getting stressful! :)

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