How to teach your toddler or preschooler to be quiet and respectful in the library. Get your kids to behave and leave books on the shelf.
One of the biggest goals I have had as a parent is for my children to love to read.
One really effective way to accomplish this is by going to the library.
Unfortunately, young children don’t naturally fit into what is typically expected at a library.
A library is supposed to be a quiet place where people can read books and concentrate without being interrupted. Any mom knows that is best accomplished without kids around (hello nap time!).
Fortunately, children can be taught and they learn quickly. You can teach your children to be quiet in the library. You can teach them to be respectful in a library.
My Library Experience
About ten years ago, I mentioned in an online Babywise mom group that I was doing some library training with McKenna.
Several moms expressed interest in how I went about that process. There was so much interest, I thought “This needs to be a post.”
First, some back story. McKenna is my third child. Anyone who has been around a while or who has read her summaries knows McKenna was a very strong-willed toddler.
McKenna got to a point in the library that she was no fun to take. She was loud, she would not stay where I told her to, and she loved to pull book after book off the shelves.
Obviously, these are not the most desirable traits to have in the library.
Let me tell you, our library was a new library and the person who designed it obviously has never taken a child to the library!
It is lovely and bright, but completely open. It is one large room and the materials used (like the flooring) in it lead to severe echoing! Sounds travels across the building at the speed of light.
The floor in the children’s section is tile. Oh my. It is neither cozy nor noise absorbing. Okay, done with my rant on the library design. I have to work with what I have, and that means dealing with a super echoing space.
I didn’t want to stop going to the library. Again, I wanted my children to love books. It also wouldn’t be fair to Brayden and Kaitlyn to have to stop going.
I could have just taken the older two when my husband was home and left McKenna with him, but that isn’t my style.
I am more of a “house-proof” your child than a “child-proof” your house sort of person, so my inclination was teach McKenna to behave as she should at the library rather than remove McKenna from the library.
How to Teach Kids to Behave at the Library
Here is how I got my incredibly loud, fun-loving, outgoing, strong-willed two-year-old to behave at the library with proper library etiquette.
First, make a list of clear goals you want.
What is it your child is doing that is undesirable? What does she need to learn in order to reach the desirable behavior?
Make your list of concrete goals. Dream big.
Start Training At Home
Like any behavior you want to have in public, for library behavior, you need to start with the basics at home.
If your child doesn’t listen to you at home, why would she listen in public? Make sure she obeys at home before you expect obedience when you are out.
>>>Read: Training in Times of Non-Conflict
Next, practice behaviors at home. You don’t teach public behaviors in public. It is a great place to practice what you have learned at home, not to teach.
Does your child know how to whisper? If not, then telling her to in a public library will not produce the results you are seeking.
You need to teach at home and practice at home.
Consult your goal list and make sure your child knows how to do each of the things on your list.
Remind Before You Go
Once you know your child can do the things you will be asking of her, head to the library to put it into practice.
Once you get there, but before you go in, run through the list of rules and expectations either at home before you leave or in the car before you go in.
“Do we run in the library? No? What do we do?”
“Do we yell in the library? No? How do we talk?”
Give a clear expectation and a consequence, “If you cannot be quiet while we are in the library, then we will have to leave and go home.”
Go One-on-One at First
If you have other children that can and will distract you from the child learning library behavior, leave them home.
Brayden and Kaitlyn were very well behaved in the library, and during our intense training time, I still only took McKenna. I wanted her to be my one concern and worry.
The tricky thing with a child a few kids in is that she quickly figures out that when mom is distracted, she can get away with things. And with other children to take care of, mom is often distracted.
All it takes is one older sibling excitedly showing me a book she just picked out to give McKenna the cue to run off.
Sure, she gets caught and stopped at some point, but she got to have fun until then. This third child of mine was a master at reading me. She was also very patient in waiting for that right moment.
As soon as she saw me distracted, she would seize the moment.
This is a unique skill she had over my older two. With two, I was never distracted enough to let a child slip under my radar.
So start with just you and the child learning. Keep all focus there. Get off your phone, don’t look for your own books, and keep attention on that child. It won’t be long you have to do this.
Make Training Your Focus of the Visit
When you go to the library during intense training, go with training as your primary goal.
Don’t go intending to find 15 great picture books on apples.
Your goal is not books–it is library training.
I still looked at books and choose books. After all, I was working on teaching her what to do so I could get books in peace with her behaving at the library. But if I needed to completely drop what I was doing, I was ready and willing to do so.
Be Super Consistent
I did not let her get away with one inch during training. Because I am consistent with her at home, she knew I was serious at the library. I had clear expectations and clear consequences with no second chances.
It really only took a couple of times at the library focusing on training to get things under control. And it became is so easy!
I could tell her where to sit. I could tell her which books she can look through (they have bins of toddler books that are not organized).
She was quiet. She listened to me.
I am so glad that I put the effort into training. Her favorite place to go was the library. Today she LOVES reading. It was well worth the effort it took to teach her how to behave at the library.
- Teaching Children to Love to Read
- How to Stop a Tantrum: Address the Choice Addiction
- How to Get Your Child to Obey with a Simple “Yes Mommy”
- How to Discipline Your Strong-Willed Child
This post originally appeared on this blog in September 2011