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As I have added babies to my family, I have of course analyzed and observed what has made the transition with a new baby easier and what hasn’t. I have a number one tip for adding baby to your family. If I were forced to give a mom about to add a baby to the family just one piece of advice, this is the one tip I would choose.
Have a consistent schedule with your other child(ren) before your baby is born. Have this schedule in place ideally at least a month before the baby comes.
When you do this, you add your baby to this schedule. Your older children are not completely uprooted and turned upside down. Their day still goes like it did before baby came and at the same times. There is just an extra baby in the house.
Having a consistent schedule does not mean you can’t be flexible or shift things a bit as needed. When Brayden was almost 2 years old and Kaitlyn was a newborn, during those growth spurts, we often ate lunch at 11 AM instead of our usual 12 noon. It wasn’t a problem. Remember, flexibility means you start from a point and can return to that point. You need something consistent to start with in order to be flexible with it.
I think a tricky thing if this is your second child (and maybe other children as well) is knowing how best to structure your oldest child’s day to work with the baby. Let me give you some guidance.
Breakfast: This is your first stressful point in the day. For me, this was the most stressful time of day when both Kaitlyn and McKenna were babies. My husband left for work at the time by 6 AM, so he wasn’t around for breakfst. When you have a newborn, you really don’t know for sure when that baby will wake up. You know when you want her to wake, but they can be unpredictable. Another stressful factor was sometimes your child eats breakfast in less than 10 minutes (great!), but sometimes takes at least 30 (extra stress!).
I think your best bet is to either plan to wake and feed your baby before or after your other children eat breakfast. I personally like after. Brayden woke at 7 AM, so I could have him fed and occupied in time to get Kaitlyn at 7:30. A newborn really needs you to watch the morning waketime. I liked having no rush with the baby in the morning. If she ever woke early, I either just held her for a few minutes while I wrapped things up with Brayden or I put her in the swing while I wrapped things up with Brayden.
This time with our baby girl, I have two great factors that will make this point in the day better for me. The first is Brayden. He will be 7 at the time, and he is more than fully capable of getting breakfast for Kaitlyn and McKenna if need be. Also, my husband leaves for work much later, so he will also be a great help in that area.
Take Away: Here are the main take-away points from this section. If you are on your own for breakfast, there are a few things you can do to make this time easier on yourself. One is to have your older child have a consistent breakfast time right now that stays through the baby. Get the metabolism used to eating at this time. Another is to work baby in either before or after your child’s breakfast time. You might want to be mentally prepared to do either and have a plan for either side of breakfast happening.
Independent Playtime: Make sure this is part of your older child’s day. You will be so, so, so, so, so glad you do. I always did Independent play so it lined up with baby’s second feeding of the day. That way I did not have to worry about the older child running around and getting into things while I did this feeding.
Take Away: Choose a time of day you would like independent play to be (whenever you want and works best for you) and make sure that is a consistent part of your routine. Try to guess the timing for when you think your baby’s feeding will be around that time of day. Then do things in the same order each day. If you have to shift the exact time of Independent Play by 30 or even 60 minutes, it will be fine. Worry about order of events more than exact times.
Nap/Rest Time: Have your older child do a regular nap or rest time each day. I time this for baby’s third feeding of the day. It is another great time to not be worrying about the older child while focusing on the baby. Get this event solid in your day now. Work out any kinks. Do not wait until the baby is here to try to implement this.
If your child is old enough he can be trusted to be nice and quiet and occupied while you are caring for the newborn, you can instead try to time this to line up with baby’s nap in the afternoon so that you could potentially lay down and nap. I could nap with two kids, but it was nearly impossible for me to work it in with three. It seemed someone inevitably messed up my nap each day. But I always tried.
My children were young enough with my other babies that I could do naps over both the feeding and the baby’s nap. Remember a baby is up for less than one hour at a time. This time, I will be able to do that with McKenna. With Kaitlyn, she is up to a short rest time length, so I will have her do rest time when I am napping. Brayden will be at school.
Take Away: Have a nap or rest time each day and make the timing work best for you. I recommend you line it up either with baby’s feeding, your nap, or both. Have clear rules that involve no interrupting you while napping–make sure your child stays in bed during nap and rest time so that you can optimize this time of day. A rested mom is a nice mom.
Bedtime: If you are doing bedtime alone, this can be another tricky point in the day. I don’t have to do bedtime alone, so I don’t have great personal experience to draw from. I would suggest you put baby down first before your older child. For one thing, the timing of bed for the baby is far more critical than the timing for an older child. For another thing, getting a baby ready for bed is so much faster than getting a child ready for bed. If your older child is awake while putting baby to bed, have some ideas of things your child can do while you get baby ready for bed.
There is also a chance you will have baby sleeping while it is time to put the child to bed. This is especially possible for those who cluster feed.
For the sake of your older child’s feelings of security, make sure you establish a consistent routine to bedtime. If you do stories at bedtime, I recommend you have a set number of books to read rather than shooting for a certain amount of time. You can say, “Choose three books to read tonight.” Then stick to those three books. When Kaitlyn was a baby, we didn’t have a set number of books, we just read for as long as seemed good that night. That worked fine when Brayden was the only child, but he really started to drag things out once she was around. We decided to implement the number of books rule and it worked well.
Take Away: Have a consistent routine and order to your routine for bedtime. Also, have a plan in place for things the older child can do if you are interrupted by baby. This is very possible on growth spurt days as well as if the baby ends up having witching hour.
Do the best you can to have a very consistent routine before your baby arrives. I understand this is not always very possible–especially as older children get older and depending on time of year baby is born. With my girls, it was an easy feat. With this baby, I know it will be a challenge. She is due at the end of summer, and she will be born right before school starts. So our schedule will change significantly shorty after she comes. I plan to have what I can control consistent. Consistent breakfast time. Consistent bedtime and bedtime routines. Consistent nap and rest time for my girls. Do the best with what you can and it will all work out with time.
Related Posts/Blog Labels:
- How Flexible Can I Be?
- Let Your Schedule Serve You: You Don’t Serve Your Schedule (Don’t Stress):
- Understanding Flexibility
- Getting a Consistent Schedule:http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/getting-consistent-schedule.html
- One to Two Children Transition
- Two to Three Child Transition
- Welcoming Baby to the Familyhttp://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2009/03/welcoming-baby-to-family.html
- Babywise With Baby Plus Older Child:http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/babywise-with-older-children.html
- Nursing Schedule with Older Child(ren) :http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/09/nursing-schedule-with-older-children.html
- Planning Your Schedule for Multiple Children
- Sample Schedules: Tandem Schedules :http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2009/01/sample-schedules-tandem-schedules.html
- Sample Schedules: Trio Schedules :http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2009/05/sample-schedules-trio-schedules.html