How to Do Cry It Out While Room Sharing (It Can Be Done!)

Trying to sleep train while room sharing? It can feel impossible—but it isn’t. Learn practical strategies for managing cry-it-out, minimizing disruptions, and helping your baby learn independent sleep even when you don’t have a separate nursery.

I looked down at the envelope I had been addressing and realized I had put the stamp on the wrong side. Our return address was sitting right where the stamp should be. Clearly, addressing envelopes while monitoring a baby who was crying it out was a little too technical for my brain.

Sleep training a baby is hard. There are so many factors to consider and track. Adding room sharing to the mix can really increase the stress levels. Is the older child going to be able to sleep? Is the baby going to be disturbed by the older child? Can a baby even fall asleep with another person in the room?

The good news? It can be done. I’ve been there, and I have some tips to help make it work.

Why Room Sharing Makes CIO Feel So Complicated

When you’re sleep training one child, you have a clear mission: help this baby learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. But when a sibling is in the same room — or even just in the next room with an open vent between them — the stakes feel higher. You’re not just managing your baby’s sleep. You’re trying to protect your older child’s sleep at the same time.

The crying feels louder. The worry about waking everyone up is real. And you’re doing all of this while running on less sleep yourself (see: the stamp incident).

Here’s what I want you to know before we dive into strategies: the disruption is temporary. Most babies make significant progress in just a few days of sleep training. The goal of these tips is to protect both children during that short window so you can get to the other side faster.

Step 1: Separate the Children Temporarily If You Can

I know — this is a post about doing CIO while room sharing. So why am I leading with separation?

Because the most effective thing you can do is give yourself a short window where the children are apart. Just a few days can make a huge difference. Baby will have a much easier time learning to fall asleep without another person in the room making noise, and your older child will sleep better without the crying waking her up.

If room sharing is a want, not a need, temporarily move one child to a different room while sleep training gets underway. Once baby has the hang of it — usually within a week — you can reunite them.

If room sharing is a necessity (you’re in a smaller home, an apartment, or simply don’t have another option), you’ll need to get a little creative.

Moving the Older Child vs. Moving the Baby

There are two ways to approach this, and both have merit.

Moving the older child out of the room means baby gets to stay in her own sleep space and associate her crib with falling asleep independently. That consistency is valuable during sleep training. If your older child is perfectly fine with the baby and doesn’t have any anxiety around the new sibling, you can frame a few nights in a different room as a fun adventure — a “campout” in the living room or a special few nights in mom and dad’s room.

Moving the baby is often easier logistically, since babies are portable and don’t need much. A bassinet, a pack-n-play, a sound machine, and you’re set. Moving baby also keeps the older child in his established routine and sleep environment, which can be helpful if your older child is still adjusting to having a new sibling in the house. Some children have a harder time with that transition than others, and disrupting their room on top of everything else can be too much.

The Grandma Option

One of my favorite strategies: see if your older child can spend a few nights at Grandma’s house while you do the hardest stretch of sleep training. The first few nights are typically the most intense, and for many babies, significant progress happens within the first weekend. If you have that kind of help available, it’s worth using it.

My Story: The Vent Between Rooms

When my second baby, Kaitlyn, was born, our house wasn’t very soundproof. Brayden and Kaitlyn didn’t share a room, but their rooms were right next to each other and there was a vent between them so open that for all practical purposes, they may as well have shared a room. Sound traveled both ways freely.

We left Brayden in his room. With Kaitlyn, we moved her around depending on the situation. She took some naps in her room and some in my room. She started the night in my room and then moved to her own crib after the dreamfeed. She did CIO in a bassinet in my room and in her crib. It never seemed to bother her to be in different locations. That said, Kaitlyn is a flexible, easy-going angel baby type of personality — not every baby would handle the constant location changes as gracefully as she did. Know your baby.

Where Can You Put a Baby Temporarily?

Baby can sleep in a bassinet or pack-n-play in a lot of places you might not have thought of:

• A bathroom (for just a few nights — make sure it’s warm enough)
• A walk-in closet
• A spare bedroom or office
• The family room

Just make sure the space isn’t drafty or cold. Large open rooms can be surprisingly chilly at night, and a cold baby is not a sleeping baby.

Step 2: Stagger Bedtimes

In most families with a baby and an older child, the older child is down to one nap per day (or none at all). That means that for most daytime naps, baby can be in the shared room without any conflict. Naps are usually straightforward.

Night is where it gets tricky.

My recommendation is to stagger bedtime so that baby goes to sleep first, and the older child follows after baby is already asleep.

To make this work without disrupting the older child’s routine, prep everything in advance. Before you put baby down:

• Have the older child’s bed completely ready for sleep
• Do pajamas in a different room, or in the shared room before baby is put down
• Read stories somewhere else — the living room, your room, wherever works
• Teach your older child to enter the bedroom quietly at bedtime so they don’t wake the baby

Most of the time, a baby who has already fallen asleep can stay asleep through an older sibling coming in quietly. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

What If Their Bedtimes Are Too Close Together?

If your baby and older child need to go to bed at nearly the same time, you can do what I did with Kaitlyn: put baby down in your room first, get the older child settled in their room, and then transfer baby to the shared room after the dreamfeed. Most babies are deeply asleep by the dreamfeed and don’t cry afterward, so this transition tends to be smooth.

Step 3: Use White Noise — for Both of Them

I get asked about white noise a lot. Parents worry that their child will become dependent on it and won’t be able to sleep without it. I understand that concern. Sleep props are generally something to avoid when you can.

But here’s my honest take: white noise is one of the mildest sleep associations out there. It’s something your child sleeps better with, but it’s not something they truly can’t sleep without. When we travel or the kids sleep at Grandma’s, they don’t have their white noise machines. They still fall asleep. They might not sleep quite as well as they do at home, but honestly, that’s just travel — it’s not the white noise.

When you’re room sharing and sleep training, white noise is less of a sleep prop and more of a practical tool. It helps mask the sounds that go back and forth between siblings. Use it for both children during this season. You can always phase it out later if you want to.

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White Noise Options We’ve Used

Over the years, we’ve tried a few different approaches:

Humidifiers were our first method. We live in a dry climate, so running a humidifier at night made practical sense anyway, and the sound served double duty. This works really well for babies. One thing to be aware of: look for a model that actually makes noise rather than one that’s designed to run silently. Some humidifiers are specifically engineered to be ultra-quiet, which defeats the purpose here. Also, if you have an older child who tends to play with everything, be aware that as they get older, they may start fiddling with the machine during independent playtime. We eventually transitioned to dedicated sound machines for that reason.

The Graco Sound Machine is what we used in each bedroom for years. We owned three of them and were consistently happy with all of them. What I liked: a built-in nightlight, several white noise options, the ability to play an iPod (which was also useful for independent playtime), a timer function so the machine can turn off after your child falls asleep, and it runs on both batteries and wall power. The battery option is great if you need to move it between rooms during the sleep training period.

The Dohm Sound Machine is the Amazon best-seller, and I tried it because I wanted a backup on hand in case one of our Gracos died. Here’s my honest assessment: it’s an excellent machine if pure sound quality is your priority. The Dohm produces a more natural, mechanical sound — less white noise “buzz” and more ambient hum, similar to the sound of a fan or the humidifier we used to use. My older kids weren’t fans of the different sound, but my younger ones didn’t notice at all. It might be a personality thing, or just an age thing. What the Dohm doesn’t have is any of the extras — no nightlight, no battery option, no MP3 input. It does just one thing, and it does it well. If all you need is sound, it’s a solid choice.

Both are worth considering. If I were buying fresh today, I’d probably get the Dohm for simplicity and a Graco for any room where I wanted the light or battery flexibility.

>>>Read: Benefits of White Noise for Baby Sleep

What About Night Wakings Mid-Training?

Sleep training rarely means zero crying after the first night. During the learning process, your baby may wake and cry in the middle of the night before she’s fully consolidated her sleep. A few things to keep in mind:

Older children often sleep through more than you expect. If your older child is a sound sleeper, there’s a good chance some of those night wakings won’t disturb them at all — especially with white noise running. Don’t assume the worst before it happens.

You can address night wakings differently than bedtime. Some parents do a modified approach where they allow CIO at the initial bedtime but intervene more quickly for night wakings while the sibling is present. You know your children and your family’s needs best.

The progress usually comes faster than you fear. Most babies are showing significant improvement by nights 3–5 of sleep training. If you can protect the older child’s sleep for just that stretch — whether by staying with grandparents, sleeping in a different room, or simply using white noise — you’re often past the hardest part.

A Note on Personality and Flexibility

One thing sleep training my four kids taught me is that every child is different, and what works beautifully for one might not work for another. Kaitlyn could handle sleeping in five different spots without skipping a beat. Another baby might really struggle with inconsistency in their sleep environment.

Similarly, some older children are completely unbothered by a crying baby — they sleep right through it. Others are light sleepers who hear everything. Some have a harder time emotionally adjusting to a new sibling and need extra stability in their routine right now.

Take these strategies and adapt them to your specific kids. You know them better than any blog post does.

Conclusion

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of sleep training a baby who shares a room, I completely understand. It’s one of those things that sounds logistically impossible when you’re already tired and already stretched. And yet — so many families have done it, including mine.

Temporarily separate them if you can. Stagger bedtime so baby is asleep before the older child comes in. Use white noise for both kids. And keep reminding yourself that this is a short season. Baby will learn. The crying will decrease. You will get your sleep back.

And maybe don’t address envelopes while you’re in the thick of it. 😉

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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Always consult with your pediatrician before starting sleep training and to make sure your sleep space is safe for your baby.

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Related Posts:

• How To Use the Extinction Method for Sleep Training
• The Ultimate CIO Bootcamp
• Sleep Training: The Four S’s
• Room Sharing: 9 Tips
• Older Children While Baby Naps
• One to Two Children Transition
• Babywise Schedule with Two Children
• Planning Your Schedule for Multiple Children
• White Noise for Babies
• Optimal Wake Time Lengths

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This post first appeared on this blog in June 2016