Real sleep training tips from a mom who has sleep trained four very different babies. Learn how to choose a method, pick an age, and stay consistent so your baby becomes a confident, independent sleeper. Learn the five tips that will help you achieve great sleep from your baby. These tips will help set you up to have a solid, independent sleeper.

When you’re ready to help your baby learn to sleep on her own, you want more than a checklist — you want to know what actually works in real life, with a real baby who doesn’t read the parenting books. In this post, I’m sharing the 5 sleep training tips that have carried me through sleep training four very different kids, plus the honest story of how each of them got there.

Post Contents

My Sleep Training History
Sleep Training Tip 1: Choose a Method
Sleep Training Tip 2: Choose an Age
Sleep Training Tip 3: Get to Know Your Baby
Sleep Training Tip 4: Be Consistent, But Adjust As Needed
Sleep Training Tip 5: Know That It Is Worth It
Sleep Training FAQ

“Oh great,” I thought. “I am going to have to potty train another child!”

That was one of the first thoughts I had once the excitement of knowing we were expecting number four wore off and the planner in me got going. In the 21+ years I’ve been parenting, I’ve found there are two things I dread more than anything else. One is potty training. The other is sleep training. Whenever I’m pregnant, I a) moan that I have another child to potty train (and I don’t know why — it has never been as bad as I seem to think it will be), and b) worry about how sleep training will go.

Sleep training is not always easy. But oh, can I tell you how much it is worth it. Here are the tips that have made this process easier for me, four babies in.

My Sleep Training History

Let’s start with a brief overview of my sleep training history. This isn’t essential to the tips themselves, but it’s helpful context — feel free to skip ahead if you’d rather get straight to the advice.

My oldest (now 21) was born and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sleep train or not. I wasn’t sure if I could listen to him cry without doing everything I could to stop him. I did know, however, that I wanted my baby to sleep and to build good sleep habits. I’d read a lot of books before he was born, and I believed in the value of sleep — beyond the obvious “I feel better when I get good sleep, so a baby will too.”

He was not born a naturally good sleeper. He was one of those newborns who valiantly fought sleep and would be awake for hours at a time. I worked to get him to nap, but it felt like I was fighting him all day long. I tried rocking him to sleep, but he hated it — he’d scream and cry for a full 30 minutes in my arms before finally drifting off. This left me exhausted and emotionally drained. I decided I could either have him cry it out (CIO) in my arms, or CIO in the crib. I figured in the crib, he’d at least be learning to fall asleep independently, so we went with that.

I was completely on my own as far as experience and resources went. I was the first of my friends to have a baby. I was the first in my family to have a baby. I was the second on my husband’s side to have a baby. My mom didn’t do CIO with us. My sister-in-law didn’t do CIO. My mother-in-law did, but didn’t remember much about it. Believe it or not, the internet wasn’t a real resource yet. So I had to navigate it on my own.

We started at 9 weeks. He immediately went to waking just once a night. Sleep training was hard at first, but a couple of months after we did sleep training, he was going to sleep without a peep, and we were all much happier.

My second (now 19) came along. She was a much more natural sleeper. She was tricky, though, because she had reflux — I had to be sure she wasn’t in pain before having her CIO before a nap. I didn’t want to teach her any habits she’d later have to break, so from the beginning I had her sleep on her own. Her first “CIO” session, she didn’t cry at all. She had some naps with crying, some without, and by 8 weeks there wasn’t a peep before she fell asleep for naps.

With my third (now 17), I decided to try the Four S’s described by Tracy Hogg. She was also a natural sleeper. With my experience and the Four S’s, she never cried before a nap until she was about 3 months old, and then it was brief.

My fourth (now 14) is a similar story to my third, except she never went through a CIO phase at all. She was one of those babies who would occasionally cry for about 30 seconds after I put her down — but that was just frustration that playtime was over. As she got older, I could tell her not to cry, and she wouldn’t.

Sleep training works. I’m a believer! All four of my children sleep well, and have from young ages. Now that you have my history, let’s move on to the tips.

Tip 1: Choose a Method

I talk a lot about why vs. how — essentially, the method you use to accomplish a goal isn’t what matters most. Accomplishing the goal is what matters, with the obvious caveats that your method is legal, ethical, in line with your values, and works for your family as a whole.

So no, you don’t have to do cry it out to sleep train. You certainly can — see 6 Rules for Using Cry It Out as a Baby Sleep Training Method if you’re ready to go that route — but you don’t have to. There are gentler paths too; see Sleep Training According to Babywise. Your first step is simply to identify a sleep training method you can feel good about. Your goal is to have baby fall asleep on her own. A few approaches worth knowing about:

Cry it out (CIO), in its many variations
The Four S’s by Tracy Hogg — a gentler, no-cry approach
Pick Up/Put Down, also from Tracy Hogg’s The Baby Whisperer
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth, which outlines several CIO methods
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Ferber
The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley

>>>Read: Sleep Training Methods: 7 different ways to train baby

No matter which method you choose, be sure to read My Newborn Sleep Hierarchy first — it will help you know what to troubleshoot before you assume it’s simply a sleep training issue. As you’re deciding, it’s also worth reading It’s Time to Take the Guilt Out of Sleep Training — because whatever method you choose, you deserve to feel confident about it, not guilty.

Great Sleep Training Books

The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom Book of Logs

Tip 2: Choose an Age

Once you’ve decided on a method, decide what age you want to start sleep training. Along with an age you feel comfortable with, you want to be sure your baby is healthy and that you have some real stretches of time at home to master this new skill without constant disruption.

What age do I recommend? I really think parents have to go with what feels right for their family — but for what it’s worth, I started right from birth with my three youngest. I didn’t want to teach one approach and then essentially pull the rug out and teach another. That paid off because we didn’t have much crying at all. Following the gentle approach from birth meant we were sleep training without tears right away. No need for crying.

From what I’ve heard from other parents and read over the years, babies older than 6 months tend to be harder to sleep train, and it generally gets more difficult the older they get. Many people wait until 4-6 months old to start.

Tip 3: Get to Know Your Baby

You can read more in depth about this in my CIO Bootcamp post, but the short version is this: you want to understand some key things about your specific baby. Learn your baby’s nap cues. Learn your baby’s Optimal Waketime Length. No matter what method you use to sleep train, understanding these two things will help your baby fall asleep the most easily — they matter more than almost anything else in this list.

Tip 4: Be Consistent, But Adjust As Needed

Be consistent with your sleep training. Set aside real time to be home and give your child the chance to build a stable foundation. Once that foundation is there, your child will have flexibility — but your child needs somewhere solid to flex from in order to truly be flexible.

While you’re maintaining that consistency, don’t be afraid to adjust and tweak your approach as needed. If your child needs a different sleep routine, change it. If your child needs you to go in after 10 minutes of crying instead of 20, go for it. Adjust your methods as you see they need adjusting — odds are, you will need to. You’ll get to know your baby better over time and be able to build the sleep environment that works best for her, not for a book or a blog post.

Tip 5: Know That It Is Worth It

Hang in there. Sleep training is a big job — an emotional one. It takes real effort and brain power. There will be days you’ll wonder if it’s worth it. It is. I promise it is. There will come a day when you are so glad your baby sleeps well, and that gladness will keep paying off: sleep is important throughout your child’s entire life, not just infancy. I’ve written more about that in How Healthy Sleep Principles Have Benefited My Children from Infancy to Preteen.

You can also find real support along the way. The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom community is a safe, private space with thousands of members who understand exactly what you’re going through.

Hang in there, seek support, and you and your baby will come out the better for it.

Sleep Training FAQ

What is the best age to start sleep training? There’s no single “right” age — it depends on your baby’s health and your family’s readiness. Many parents start somewhere in the newborn stage through the early months, and many find sleep training becomes more difficult after 6 months and harder still as babies get older.

Do I have to use cry it out to sleep train? No. Cry it out is one option, but gentler methods like the Four S’s or Pick Up/Put Down can also teach a baby to fall asleep independently. The method matters less than choosing one you can stay consistent with.

What if my baby won’t stop crying during sleep training? First, rule out physical causes — hunger, gas, reflux, temperature, teething, or a “witching hour” stretch of general fussiness. If your baby is healthy and simply protesting the change, staying consistent (while adjusting your approach as needed) is usually what moves things forward.

How long does sleep training take? It varies enormously by baby and method — some babies adjust within days, others take a few months of steady consistency. Every one of my four kids had a different timeline.

Valerie Plowman, known as “the Babywise Mom,” is the happy mother of four children. She has been helping parents with their parenting concerns since 2007 and loves helping others absolutely love being a parent.